I live with my partner and my 2 teenage sons. My partner works away for 2 weeks then is back for 1. When we met he was an advocate of open relationships and had many friends who were casual sex partners, he watched a lot of porn and paid to watch webcam girls. There was one very old friend that he had a real thing for. They had never been in a relationship in their 20 year friendship, but had been casual sex partners. I felt very threatened, especially as when I first started talking to him (online) he told me if she asked him, he would rush to be with her and marry her. Our online relationship progressed, we fell in love, and moved in together (monogamy was a condition, and I gave him the choice before he moved in), and have been living together 3 years. He has told me he doesn’t want her anymore, just me. I asked him to stop contact with this woman as it made me very uncomfortable (too many reasons to go into, but I felt justified). She has texted him during that time and he has hidden it from me. I felt something was off recently, so I asked him. He said nothing, all was fine. I asked him if he was talking to anyone that might upset me. He said no. So I snooped, didn’t I?
Yes, he’d been talking to her, and erased the messages, but the contact information was there. He’d also gone back to watching a lot of porn (I don’t mind this while he’s away, but he was home and I was at work, and there was so much of it!). I confronted him, and he tried to deny it, but couldn’t. He coldly informed me he was depressed about working away and needed someone to talk to. There was no remorse or apology. He said he didn’t tell me because I was “stressed enough” with work and kids. She understands him and he can talk to her. He wanted to talk it over with her rather than upset me. He justified his deceit by saying he needed it, and showed no care for hurting me or breaking my trust. His reaction knocked me for a six, and I lost it, drank too much and physically attacked him. I screamed and sobbed and demanded answers while he stonewalled me.
I told him to go, then as we calmed down we decided to stay together. Obviously, trust is gone. He’s gone back to work now, and my head is doing me in. I am partially financially dependent on him, as I work part time. I have a contract till December. I think he is waiting to see if I get a fulltime contract next year, then he will leave.
What’s the problem? I can’t stand this! I wish he would be honest and tell me what is really going on. I’ve had nervous bowel since it happened, and luckily I’m on holidays so I don’t have to cope at work (I’m a teacher). I can’t control my emotions or thoughts and I can’t go on like this.
Thanks for reading. It’s pretty pathetic.