I know that words are words and it might not change anything. You have people that love you. I see from previous comments that your husbands knows about how you are feeling which I think is great that you are able to communicate openly with him. If you do not want to be on an anti-psychotic then I wouldn't. I am not sure if you are on any other medications in general. If you are I would recommend changing your medication to something different. I know that finding a medication that is right for you is hard. I would definitely suggest therapy with your medications like someone talked about earlier. I know that therapy has helped me a bit. I don't want to say anything to upset you but I am sure that you know there is a suicidal hotline the phone number is 1-800-273-8255 if you ever need to talk. I really hope that things improve for you. I know you do not know me personally but if you ever need to talk I am more then willing to listen.