Thanks Ceridwen18. He has explained to me that he looks to me to be his rock and his life raft so the fact that I am now the one needing encouragement I think is bewildering to him. Also, his family is not at all the sensitive type. They are very matter-of-fact, get done what needs to be done, and that's-that type. I grew up in a very sensitive and gentle household where everyone took care of everyone else and went out of their way to help others. So, naturally-- I take care of my husband at my own expense and, based on his family history, he takes of himself at everyone else's expense. So, I am a giver and he is a taker. But, some days I want to be the taker.

Maybe that just isn't the dynamic we can have? Maybe I am expecting too much of him.

Fortunately, today is a good day. Writing on here and getting some frustrations out has helped me make sense of everything. I also talked to my mom last night about everything and she kind of just gave me perspective on where things stand. They aren't great but I have to try to make the most of it. Today I am here--- but someday I will have more time to have clarity.