Thank you all for the support; it is nice to know that I'm not alone in obsessing over T.

Interestingly, what brought me back to therapy was a relapse in anxiety and subsequent depression from a stressful final semester. I realize now those were just symptoms of much bigger issues.

One of the other things T and I talked about was how I do things for other people rather than myself like I want to be making progress to please my T and to reach what I think are her goals rather than my own. The same thing happens with my parents. T said that this could be why I feel helpless and childlike because I've never been able to form my own goals and identity, I've always relied on other people for that.

I'm still unsure about lying down but I kind of want to try it. I feel weird about having my shoes on the couch though! Haha