I think you should cut yourself some slack. This forum is here for support so don't feel bad about venting! And a lot of us here feel similar feelings of loneliness and not fitting in. It is not your fault. If this is something that is really important to you, maybe bring it up with your therapist and start working on getting better at socializing and feeling better about yourself. I've been working on similar issues with my therapist lately because I don't really have many healthy relationships but I think that a lot of it stems from my low self worth. Might be worth a try?

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