Thanks to both of you. I am sorry that anyone has to know the pain of having a child ripped from them. And what of the child? Yes, here, sort of. It is like the written word is foreign to me. It is hard to write what I feel. I don't know what I feel half the time, I am heavy into not being here most of the time. And yet I imagine her return and the way I will do her room and the way to set her toys up. I want to have a big party after she has been home for a week or so. I want to bring out the real doll crib and not the plastic thing she has attached to the high chair and bath tub. So I need a wooden high chair for babies. I have a bathtub that really works. I know I want to surround her in beauty, real forever beauty. I want to give her something very special, these things are gone buried with one daughter and given to two others. So I will have to search. I can handle the meetings for the appeals for her being taken from my home because hubby and an attorney will be there. I just need her to come home so we can press cider and bake and do Halloween together. I want to watch her sled and even look forward to her fighting with me about bed, store treats, McDonalds. But I am also going to be easier. I will let her have more of the foods that make you fat and comfort you. I will relax on that. I want to build a play structure for her out back so she can swing and climb and jump. I want to see holidays come and go with her. I will even cook Turkey. And with her I will grow. I will see that I can be out and about in stores and at school. That will help the PTSD because I have done nothing since she has been gone. I shopped for food for the first time the day before yesterday and yes we were starving.

So okay, I missed those first days of school and picture day. I missed setting up her brand new outfits. I had planned on clipping them all together for each day. I missed all of that. All I can do is think positively that I will get my baby back. Please be positive with me. Help me complain and understand the PTSD stuff separate from her and my hope. Thankyou.