Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceridwen18
That's interesting...that he is the taker and you the giver. And difficult that he looks to you to be his rock when at times that's just what you need, especially when you have to struggle with MI.
I don't know whether that dynamic can change for you...people can change the way they relate to each other, of course, but they both need to be open and willing.
Maybe when you're feeling in a better space, that's something to explore. In the meantime, I'd act like the taker! It's okay to fall apart and not cope...how he deals with that is his problem, and not your responsibility.
My partner has come to be my rock, the first one I've ever had in my life. It's taken a couple of years for him to learn what I need, and we don't always get it right, but he does his best.
I wish the same for you. xxx
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Thank you. Its actually comforting to know that you and your partner were able to figure it out together. I am really hopeful my husband will be able to eventually understand what I need. The first year of our relationship I was very much emotionally stable, so I did fall in to the role of the giver for the most part. He is rather taken by surprise that I, the strong amazon-of-a-woman can fall apart.
Unfortunately, last night there was a tragedy in our area. My husband was indirectly involved, but it hit very close to home for him. I am having to throw my depression to the wind for the next few days to unconditionally support him in his time of need. Part of me has a twinge of bitterness-- to him, a tangible tragedy permits him to grieve but mental illness and very similar feelings are not as real and do not justify feelings of grief or depression. But, no, I can't think like that.
I appreciate the sentiment that my own feelings and actions can be just about me right now. I can't continue to shape my own emotions based on how it will impact others. My husband says he wants me to get better so HE can stop worrying. It upsets me when his motivations for me getting better are to alleviate his own impact from it instead of stopping to think "Wow, you are feeling really yucky right now. That must be awful." Sometimes I feel like he thinks I want to feel like this. No one chooses to be depressed or have MI. He tells me he just deals with stress better so he can't understand me. I wish I could just deal with stress better sometimes.
Sigh! But, its Friday and 5 o clock marks the weekend.