I completely understand what you are saying. Episodes change us. I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. My baseline is mildly depressed as well.

Instead of being who we were, we need to focus on being who we are and getting help when we need it.

I'm so sorry you feel so horrible and unstable. I wish I had some advise and suggestions but all I've got is sympathy and understanding. I hope you feel better soon. (((Hugs)))