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Originally Posted by imstarlord89
I have never been in a relationship and I am a very lonely person. I've done online dating for a while. I've met a few different girls to no success. One I did date for about a month but it ended because she had to move away and we both knew a long distance relationship wouldn't work. I've met probably 15 girls and with each one I had pure intentions. I wanted to get to know them for who they were and see overtime if it could develop into dating and then possibly a relationship. Out of all of those girls I met really only four stood out above the rest. One wasn't ready for a relationship because she was still trying to get over someone. As for the other two I pushed them away by constantly thinking I upset them in someway when I actually didn't and I would continuously ask them what I did and would repeatedly apologize. It's something I can't help. I wish I could but I can't and I know that it will continue to hurt any chance I have every time I meet someone. I truly believe I am not emotionally capable of being in a relationship and that really sucks because all I've ever wanted to do was to love someone and be loved in return.
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First off I understand your situation and can relate somewhat but herein lies the crux of the problem:
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I pushed them away by constantly thinking I upset them in someway when I actually didn't and I would continuously ask them what I did and would repeatedly apologize. It's something I can't help. I wish I could but I can'tand I know that it will continue to hurt any chance I have every time I meet someone.
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As soon as you decided in your mind that you can't help it, you've written off any options to consider why you do this, and what to do about ti because it implies that you're a victim to this problem and it's one that is unchangeable. This, my friend is untrue.
It is not an easy challenge to overcome but it is also not a completely insurmountable mountainous obstacle either. The problem that you have is with insecurity. At some point, I'm going to guess, whether in childhood or other major phase of your life and/or at many points, you've been proven that people are not what they seem, they pretend to be genuinely caring for you but then either prove otherwise, betray you or have abandoned you and you're left wondering what you did. Over time, this happening or having ben a major event, your ruminations about it will cause you to lose hope and become insecure in pretty much anyone else that befriends you and ultimately try to have romantic relationships with. But it is not a life sentence and can be changed.
I believe it, even though at this point in my life I still suffer from distrust of women, I believe in the core of my mind that they will get angry at me, they will get bored or for some other reason, leave me and usually on the side of the road bent over feeling beaten to a pulp. alone again. but although that's at the core of my belief system, I know it is just that, a belief system which is not necessarily reality or truth. sure it's what I've dealt with time an again but I have not met every woman on earth so there has to be women that are different out there. but the problem is not surface or conscious thinking, again it's at my core so everytime I'm in a relationship or romantically pursuing a girl/woman, I have the insecurities, much like you do. I behave in ways like you have described. I hve not given up hope in myself though. although I haven't changed enough, my thinking and removed my insecurities, I know they can be and will in time.
dw about being alone right now, be independent and work on yourself. Become what you want to be, secure and confident, content and happy in your life as it is and let finding someone just be the icing on the cake not a need. Find a therapist if you think that you need help with working on this but do work on it.
TLDR; work on your insecurities either alone or with a Therapist.