yeah, i'm in the fear of rejection club too. there is this central heating thing in the office where the heated air comes out of this vent in the ground. it makes a bit of noise. i think my t finds it a little hard to hear what i'm saying because he needs to translate my accent at times. there are some doozy translations betwen nz english and aussie english, too (e.g., the pronounciation of 'six' and 'sex' are reversed). could be embarrassing huh. so... he usually asks if it is okay for him to cover the vent with a cushion so it is quieter.

on fridays we have a session at 8am. the bus gets in at 7.35 or 7.40 so i have some time before i get to the session. because i'm a smoker... i sit outside in a cafe at the local shops. freezing my butt off drinking coffee. by the time i arrive for the session i'm feeling like an ice-block. and... some days... i really would prefer him not to cover the vent and try and speak more loudly / clearly instead. but of course i don't say anything. kind of get the impression that 'is it okay if i cover the vent?' is rhetorical.

but one day he noticed me shivering (i couldn't help it). and he seemed surprised that i hadn't said anything. part of it is that i don't want him to put himself out for me...

i find it hard to hear 'no' too... it was something that came up in DBT skills group. apparently a lot of people have trouble with appropriate asking. we had some guidelines for constructing a pros and cons list. figuring out how much what we wanted was a need or a desire and how strong the desire was. figuring out how much the other person would need to go out of their way in order to do what we wanted. that is supposed to help you figure out how assertive to be when you ask. and... to have some understanding of when it is okay to accept 'no' (because the person really can't do what is asked) and when it is understandable to be pissed off that they say 'no' (because our need is great and they really wouldn't be going out of their way much at all). it is hard, though.