When I was around 7 years old or so I was brain washed and molested by my mother's friend's son who was 16 at the time (I'm a guy) he didn't force me at all but tricked me into thinking this was normal he tricked me into doing oral on him and this lasted until I was 10.
This never bothered me until years later in highschool and these innocent gay jokes triggered my first panic attack and being as transparent as am the rumor was I sucked everyone's **** so I'm pretty Mich being bullied for being sexually abused even though no one noes it. It did get me thinking though through all the hell I decided I am bisexual probably because of the molestion considering I love women and I am not emotionally into men I am strictly sexual with guys.
This is when my anxiety really starts to kick in place where I am having panic attacks 24/7 I am hyperventilating in my sleep now I'm having weird unwanted sexual thoughts to my male family members I am close with I was diagnosed with PTSD and I went to therapy for a couple of months before I just quit and I thought I was better I got on xanax which helps a lot but now my anxiety hit more than ever about 2 weeks ago I feel like all that time from highschool to now about 5 years is wasted and I'm back when I'm started.
It didn't help that these same gay jokes also happened today at work from a female co worker and outed me in front of everyone because I'm really transparent about my anxiety mainly myface gets beat red.
I've lost all hope I don't know what to do. It will at least be another 6 week waiting period before I can get counseling again. What should I do until then?