Yes, that's it as well-- my ridiculous all-or-nothing thinking-- if T says 'no' that must mean that our entire relationship is ruined.

So how does that play out in my mind?

Me: Can I turn off the fan?
T: NO!
--Relationship over--

Right. If someone says 'no' to a specific request then that is for a specific reason-- they are not rejecting me as a person; all is not lost.

I am like you-- I just pretty much avoid asking. And I end up in therapy, freezing, hair blowing over my face, missing all the important things he's saying cause I can't hear him over the fan. Sure. No problem.