This has nothing to do with bipolar but I need some opinions. My husband's grandmother passed away today. You don't have to offer condolences; I didn't really know her so I'm not upset.

I know my father in law will expect me at the funeral, but in all honesty I don't want to go. The reason I didn't know her well was because she was a nasty woman, mean and conniving. She was always mean to my husband and made no effort to invite him over or anything. She met my son once when he was an infant and we haven't seen her since. When my husband died, she spread a rumor that the funeral was invite only, just to make me look bad. What I had said was the funeral was family and close friends only because I didn't want his junkie friends showing up. She's also spread rumors about my sister in law to make my father in law look good. I honestly don't want to drive 45 minutes to attend her funeral.

Besides that, her funeral will be in the town where my husband grew up. I have a lot of bad feelings about that town because it turned into the place that he got his drugs from. All of his junkie friends are still there. Whenever I have to go there to visit my father in law, it gives me anxiety for the whole day. AND, the funeral will be at the same place we held my husband's funeral. I can't fathom going back there. All I will see is my husband laying out in the casket and all I will feel is the absolute despair I felt that day. I don't want to be there at all.

I'm just not one of those people who feels that family is everything. My uncle died earlier this year but I felt nothing. I didn't know him either. We stopped talking to my father's side of the family after he died when I was ten, so I had only seen my uncle maybe five times in the last 19 years. I never talked to him, he never sent me birthday cards, I never sent him cards...we just weren't close. So I didn't go to his funeral either.

I just know if I don't go to this funeral I have to be prepared for my husband's father's side of the family to talk **** about me for awhile. Which I don't care about because again, I'm not close with any of them. The only real problem will be my father In law. He is incredibly unstable and will call me to yell at me for dumb **** like what I post on Facebook. He will take it as a sign of disrespect. But the worst he will do is talk **** about me on Facebook and possibly harass me through Facebook. I can always block him if it becomes a problem.

Is it terrible that I'm considering not going? Is family supposed to be everything? I just don't feel that way. Never have. What would you do?