Got really depressed on the ride home tonight to the point of a few tears. I finally had to turn the radio on because I kept writing in my mind to PsyCentral. I wondered if I would get away with starting a thread that started out with, "What is so wrong with suicide? There are only 4 people in the whole world who would miss me, & even then they would get on. I'm not married, have no kids, no one depends on me. What if I just don't have what it takes to make it in this world, the courage, the self-esteem? I've already lived through probably the happiest times I'm ever going to. It has only gotten worse. It's obvious I'm not one of the lucky ones. Why should I live some miserable, pathetic life? The only reason I'm still here is because I can't figure out a way & I'm too damn afraid I'd mess it up. Give me one good reason why I should want to live. I'll let you know if I agree." It was so much better when I wrote it in my head.
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