So, I have told myself that I will reevaluate things in three days. Either I start to feel better, (sorry guys) start my period, or find a way out of my situation in those 3 days, and then I will know if it the beginning of the end for me. I have promised not to harm myself until I see my therapist on Wed. She has me make that promise from session to session.

If I stay with this new pdoc, she doesn't offer clozapine (which means--as gross as it is--an end to wetting the bed, waking up with hair covered in saliva, dry mouth during the day and other terrible side effects--as great as this med is supposed to be it is almost not worth it's terrible effects).

My husband is STILL in my house and has made no attempts toward filing and so we live together, occasionally almost as though I am a second rate citizen.

I am going to suggest therapy again tomorrow and see what he says about it. I know that I cannot live like this. My hallucinations have been more frequent and more scary and I know it is because of this stress. I can feel myself slipping into insanity.

Unfortunately, my two beings are sleeping and wishing I am sleeping. That said, I have been up to at least straighten the house every day. I don't want to prove him right.