Thank you to everyone for their continued, kind and thoughtful responses.

Rainyday: I never thought of it that way but now that you point it out I guess I do look forward to seeing him. It is less about being excited for the therapy itself as it is to see the person conducting the therapy. I am very logical and self-aware so I never expected myself to be sucked into something like this. Which now makes me think am I to blame for how he has been acting and for how things seem to keep progressing? Maybe I am unknowingly sending out a vibe or maybe it's just all my fault.

In that case I feel awful like I am provoking it. Ironically, I went into therapy with a male T being very cautious about that and even consciously dressing more conservatively than I normally will because I wanted to protect myself. I just feel very sick over this whole thing.

What i'm struggling with the most is the relationship seems to be on "his terms". For example, he can reach out whenever he wants and I feel inclined to respond but if I do it I am left feeling stupid. He never ignores me or anything like that but he will be very short with me. Short enough to a point where I can pick up on it and get upset because I feel like he's just being polite or patronizing me by responding. I don't know if any of this makes sense but I don't like feeling like i'm being jerked around. I hate the mixed signals and not knowing where I stand. I cannot stand the constant second guessing myself and wondering if I am making something up in my head or completely misreading the situation and everything he's doing or saying. That is the part that doesn't seem fair to me.

I turned to this forum for answers, support, opinions, maybe even some commiseration? I appreciate all of those who have taken the time to respond and were so kind to me. I realize I have a tendency to go on and on. I just can't talk about this in my everyday life with the people in my life because no one will understand or really get the reason i'm struggling or why I care so much. People really don't get the attachment that comes with a T/client relationship and how devastated you can feel if you start to feel like this person is taking advantage, e.t.c.

The part that infuriates me the most is he can be relaxed in his mind and not overanalyze about this. He probably doesn't give this two thoughts and then there is me, over here, stirring about this. I'm beyond annoyed with him, but mostly myself.