Well I feel like my head has switched back into normal mode again...I'm becoming VERY aware of my fear of being abandoned..I've become VERY aware of how I avoid my kids and hubby emotionally because the pain of admitting to myself how much I love them and how much It would hurt me If they disappeared is so scary. Though I know they won't just disappear, this is a layer of trauma being laid on top of any experience I have today..I noticed also how I am trying to control the future to prevent any loss and by doing that I'm constantly living in perpetual fear and missing the moment...the need to control is massive..its like a see-saw act "control-fear, control-fear" the time I say to myself I cannot control the future and what am I feel right now, the fear disappears...its like the past and the future are on a collision course because I'm forever banging them together and missing out the middle lane..I know now what I need to be talking about in T...