So this isnt really mental health related, but i just really wanna get this off my chest....

So my sister in the past 7 months has moved flats 4 times. and this time she is living on her own, so she i moving into an unfurnished flat, and my dad went out yesterday with her, and bought her a TV... it was on sale which was why he got her it (still £150) but it was the same TV my mum said "hey why dont we get *my name* it? hers it sort of knackered" which my dad just replied with "well she can buy it her self, she doesnt deserve it" *note i was sat right next to him!!!!* and that just made me feel a little bad but whatever i just brushed it off.... Now hes also making her a Sofa and a bed... They also gave her a laptop... and shes had various cars over the years they got her.....

I know it seems really petty but i just feel that whenever she wants something she gets it, like whenever she asks for money they send her it, i ask i get a "well you can go get a job cant you" , note that i actually am trying to get a job ie sent out over 50 emails to all the companys in my area i could get a job with but i cant... no one is hiring. I dont like being unemployed because i just get yelled at for not doing anything all day... i clean the house and look after all our animals...

I just feel really bad rn because yesterday he was yelling at me for not knowing what i want to do with my life, my mum isnt much better she moans at me for the same thing. I hear daily "you do nothing!" "Go do something, stop being so lazy!!!" "all you do is sit playing games all day!"

I dont sit playing games all day... I've been in a constant depressed mood for the past 2 months now with about 2 day gaps of just feeling nothing everytother week on average ish... and them shouting at me about how much of a failure i am doesnt help it, it doesnt help the fact i have SH thoughts and the sometimes escalate into Suicidal.....

im sorry if i sound really whiny and pathetic but i just feel really that they prefer her more than me, i get it my attitude can be cold sometimes and i have a habit of just shuting people out (i kinda done that now since the tv thing especialy since my sister rang me up to brag how she got a tv.... i just shut my whle family out, i dont leave my room as it is, but now im just refusing to leave it entirely except for looking after my animals and getting my self food.)

Im going down to london end of month (also an entirely funded by myself tri to go to comicon...) and im considering staying at my mates house down there and finding a job down there... her mum sais im one of the family and im always welcome... i really dont feel welcome in my own house anymore....

and now ive made myself feel even worse thinking abut all of this. crap. sorry guys. i just needed it off my chest.