For the first time in the year we have been separated, I am actually thinking I want to go back home. I at least want to give it a try. I have done the work on myself, and H is working on his stuff. I hope with the help of the T that I can look back 10 years from now and simply say "Wow, that was a tough time, glad we got thru it."

I am also prepared to be a realist and keep my options open. I will move back home with him, but I will continue to pay rent at my current location. I will continue to keep the electricity turned on. I will still save $$ the best I can. I may even get a part time job. I am still kinda nervous about returning, but I am nto going to let my fears take irrational control over me. I am going to be paying attention and being careful, and that is all. I also know my T will be watching. She will be talking to my kids, and she will be having me there every week alone, and me and H together for joint T as well. My goal at this point is to go back in August around the middle to end of that month. I will still continue to come back to MY house during the day while H is at work and keep things sorted out mentally. I have a yard to mow there, and my garden is there. It is going to be hard to move from total relaxation into an environment that requires more.

I will definitely be journaling a lot to. Sometimes being able to write helps to show you where your true heart really lies. So we will see. The only way I would not go back at this point is if something were to happen in the next few weeks that is really not right. If we go on vacation and my H loses control like he has on past vacations, or if one of the kids does something stupid (Which teenage boys sometimes do) and he acts out irrationally and shows that hte same old pattern exists.