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Originally Posted by Burnt_Out
I'm kinda riding that arc right now, hence having to dig up my old profile.  With myself looking at having to get reemployed (and possibly looking at relocating), it's hardly my main focus. I've taken down all my profiles. I just can't deal with it at the moment.  I was literally on the verge of gun-to-the-head suicide last year because of it... and I HAD a good job at the time. The summation of those two frustrations at this point in time would not be a good idea.
Though, overall, I don't see how it's going to help. What's going to change on the other end of... well, whatever another time period of stalling will end in?  I'm not really feeling time is on my side here. People will always say: Be patient, love will show up, career will manifest! I sincerely don't think that's advice that pragmatically works in the context of our punctuated lives. |
I understand your frustration, my suggestion of taking a break wasn't a solution for your dating woes, it was rather more it appears to me (and I may have this wrong, just going by what you've written) that your self belief is taking a battering from the dating or lack of. Only you will know whether you feel able to continue putting yourself out there without your self belief suffering further.
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Originally Posted by Burnt_Out
Not really. I have good friends. A few. Keep in mind I lived in Portland, Oregon for most of my early thirties, and only moved back here around four years ago for my career. A lot of my old friends moved on. A lot are now married, in relationships (or divorced), and most with kids. They have busy lives, family-oriented hobbies, and nostalgic appreciations that I can't really identify with in my current position in life.  They are good people (don't get me wrong), but I'm far behind them life-wise... even in the cases where I'm the older party. They don't really help. They just make me feel left behind, really. I go to parties to be a good friend because I want to see them feel happy and loved... but often come home feeling depressed, alone, and like a loser. |
Yes, it is a challenge when we find our lives moving in different directions to our friends, it can be quite isolating. I think this is something that happens to many of us as we move into 30s/40s. In my experience I realised I was staying in touch with people I no longer had anything in common with for no good reason, my challenge was to make new friendships. Much in the way you've hit a brick wall in your dating I hit a wall trying to expand friendships, like you I started to believe there was something wrong with me* - looking back there wasn't, it was just a case of not meeting people who were a good fit for me. It took a whole lot of time and some let downs along the way but eventually, expanding my hobbies and volunteering I did get to make some new solid friendships who were a great fit for me. It did not come easily but I can personally recommend branching out to meet a variety of new people - ones whose company enriches you and does not make you feel like a loser.
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Originally Posted by Burnt_Out
What overall situation is that?
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My impression is that it is portrayed by online dating sites as almost a simple procedure to meet someone special, of course they would say that, it's their business and they want customers. However the overall situation does not appear so simple for many people, you just need to read this forum regularly to see the disappointed posts from people such as yourself. I'm sure there are lots of satisfied customers but I suspect they are not the majority.
It appears to me that for people who do not find success with these agencies the impression that they 'should' be able to find someone (which these agencies are asserting in advertisements) is like rubbing salt in the wounds.
In other words, it's not that there is anything wrong with you personally just because this method is not working for you, and I do believe there is a good chance things will fall into place for you eventually. Whether online or not is another matter.
*= I think some of us are more inclined than others to self blame when things do not go right for us, it often underlines a core lack of self belief which can have it's roots way back in our childhood experiences.