This morning I happened to watch the youtube video: Brené Brown: Listening to shame ( )
It triggered the following thoughts for me: Now that I'm not as depressed, I occasionally have brief moments were I think "Should I reach out to _____ (a neighbor, old high school or college friend on facebook, parent one of my children's high school friends, etc.). Of course, when you are depressed, you just can't. Depression doesn't allow it. I've lost touch with many because my last bout of depression lasted for about 7 years. Now I feel more connected when I converse with people (whether my spouse or the cashier at my favorite grocery store) but find I have a new problem. SHAME.. I mean, I'm lucky, my family accepts what I've done and what little I have to offer, but my attempt and lack of any career (while I work a little part time, I'm faced with completely starting over in order to have any sort of self sufficiency), are a couple of things that make it hard to reach out. And sometimes, the only way to get a hold of people is facebook you know, I really hate facebook. Haven't been on it for years and the only reason I did was to track down a few friends from high school and college. People on facebook are always having fantastic vacations (can't afford one), their children are perfect and they get everyone in their family to participate in group photos.
I really don't care that I can't vacation nor do I like to take or see my photos --- I am extremely grateful to be alive and not as depressed --- I guess I'm just trying to get up the courage to make more connections despite being ashamed of my past. Anyone else experiencing the urge to connect but too fearful to do it due to your past?