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Milkyway said:
it's linked i think for me to the need to be approved, & i never dare doing even simple things for fear of looking stupid, like I remember when we were not in the usual office with T & the chair (kind of a big armchair) was i felt quite away from the other & T asked me if the distance was ok or i could move it...& though i really felt there was too much distance, i said "it's fine" ...i remember thinking how stupid I'd look moving things in this place..like it's not my place so i'm not gonna touch things...
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OMG YES. That is me. EXACTLY. I don't wanna look stupid and I feel like I don' t have the right to touch things. One time I sat in the big armchair and I realized it was sort of facing the left, way more than usual. And I wasn't really facing T, it was sort of diagonal. Do I move it? Of course not. I just dealt with it. There was no way I was going to move it because knowing me I'd end up tipping over the chair or something.
Here's another one that is really, really embarrassing to admit, but hey-- you all know I'm pathetic by now. I drink a lot of coffee and gatorade & both drinks make me have to pee constantly. So very often in the hour and a half sessions I have had to pee really, really, really bad, but I just sit there holding it cause I don't wanna be like, "Can I go to the bathroom?" lol So last session I had to go so bad because I had drank so much water in preparation for starting the Lithium. It was only like a half hour into the session....there was no way I could take it for an hour more. So finally I handed him my to poem read and said, "My kidneys are exploding." And he said, "Does that mean you want to be excused?" lol and I'm like, "YEAH!" and I ran to the bathroom. Then I came back and I was hoping by that time he'd be done reading the poem but he was still reading so I'm just sitting there basically looking for some place to hide.
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