Dear Trapped,
Felt the same way when I made my attempt last year. My thoughts included, I've lived a wonderful, full life but the future is bleak because of (lots of stuff: not having saved for retirement, dead end job, not able to help children in the way I would have liked, etc.); also, no friends, disconnected from family, and there's more. However, now I am grateful I am saved despite most of the things I despaired about still being in place. Sometimes there is nothing better than my first cup of coffee in the morning, sunshine, the meditative state I sometimes get during a walk, chocolate, etc. It might happen to you. I hope it happens to you. I think my medication and therapy helped me. Walking may have also played a role. I also stopped taking xanax and drinking alcohol. These were the things that helped me. Has your depressive period been for 30 years straight? Or have you swung in and out of it. I'm sorry you have experienced so many dark times
Sincerely, Myst