Trigger warning**

This week has been awful. I lost another (6th) person to suicide. My only experience with deaths have been extremely violent. I can say I lost it on Tuesday.

I was crying all day. I felt all over the place. I asked T to come in after hours because I was so out of sorts and I needed her so badly. She settled me down, and I've been ok since.

Today was a regular session. She told me she had been concerned over me the last 48 hours. That her heart ached for what I was experiencing. But then... She said "I had struggled, to decide if you possibly needed inpatient treatment, but then I didn't want to mess up your schooling and your job and everything, so I'm glad to see you are doing better. If you had needs like that, they are more than I can give from my practice."

I should have said "What does that mean? If I have a mental break down you'll abandon me?"

I want to curl up and cry. I want answers. I don't want the relationship to fall apart because I'm too %#@&#! up.