Don't know if this will help but all of you, welcome to the planet and human society. I only had DDNOS, undiagnosed most of my life and with a lot of control in my early life I could keep the "bad" parts from saying anything or acting out. So iI don't really feel like a part of human society either, but I know that both you and I are.

I do one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. My life has gotten a little better in the last few years -- still not so I want to live much, but not quite so intensely miserable all the time.

Getting even -- my revenge motive was intensely shut down (it was"bad") so I've just recently accepted it and now feel it. A lot of it wanted to be directed toward the mental health system, for various reasons I had a hard time accepting as valid. Writing about my experiences here on PC has helped. And being relatively accepted here has helped..

Common sense advice,- sounds like maybe you need more friends? PM me if you'd like to talk some more.