I wasn't familiar with diagnostic neuropsychology until just now. I read up on it and it might be helpful for me. Thank you I will mention it to my PDOC. I have never received any kind of "testing". While I admit I have many of the symptoms of bipolar, I believe there might be a different cause in my case. When I was manic and they threw almost every drug at me and it didn't bring me down for a month, that just shows me something. If it was mania caused from bipolar, the seroquel, Risperidone, Ativan combo should have worked quicker than a month right? After a month, I think I came out of it naturally, I don't think the meds would take that long if they worked for me. All of my delusions have to do with people following me or being out to get me. I think it's PTSD from severe childhood bullying. I read that people who are bullied, suffer with delusions at a disproportionate rate. Also, people who are socially isolated (which I have been) are more prone.

my husband thinks I'm making excuses so I don't have to take the meds. Part of me thinks he might be right. I think I just need more clarity and to talk it over with my doctor. I concede easily that something is wrong, it's not like I deny there is an issue and say "I'm fine". I just don't think I need meds for life right now. I need to learn coping skills, make changes to my life, diet exercise, increase my social life.

I'm curious what my PDOC will say. This will be the first time I discuss going med free with a doctor so I'm not sure what to expect. I just hope he can either explain why they are sure about bipolar, or take the time to tell me why they are sure it's not something else.

If this depression gets worse, I could be back on the "I need meds" wagon soon though. im willing to go back on meds if things go wrong. I'm not entirely positive I don't need them. But I want to try again without them.... I think I may NEED to try again without. Hopefully, if I'm wrong about things, nothing goes terribly wrong with my plan. I figure if I'm checking in with a doctor and therapist bi-weekly, we can catch something early if it all goes wrong.

Thanks for the suggestion and for listening to me ramble.