Quote:
Originally Posted by lucidity11
I saw my t today. I was going to tell her I was going to take a break but I didn't. I remember going and waiting in the waiting room. I went into her office and I sort of don't remember much of that, than we talked about somethings I have said to her in the past, than we talked about interjects and how I think that is an incorrect description of the part. As I sit here now I don't remember much else. I cursed during session. Not in a mean way just while talking. I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing. I think we decided not to work on trauma issues but I don't know. I really have a hard time remembering sessions. I don't have a cohesive perception of what I do in therapy. It's like once I leave her office I go about my day without thinking about therapy. And when I actually stop to try to recall what happened I have a blank spot in my recall. How is therapy going to work when I can't remember what I talk about or what I should be working on. I have been seeing this t for a few years and it feels like I just started going. I am better than when I first started talking to her. I do have a better sense of my self as having parts and not being insane. So that is good. Because for a while I thought I was losing my mind. I was having panic attacks and suicidal. Now I understand a fair amount of my system and that they have thoughts and ideas. Other parts I sense but we don't talk. I thought not working would help me work on understand myself better but I have too much time to be in my head which is not good. It leads to feelings of anxiety, fear and wanting to leave life. I start to not see a value to my existence and that confuses me. Is existence enough? I don't know. I think it goes back to my emotions. Most often I feel anxiety. I want to find the calm. I have almost forgotten what that feels like. I think I am talking about being centered. Maybe I have intellectual knowledge of my existence but no emotional knowledge of my existence. So I am here, now what? Not sorry for the long post. This is the **** I think about when I am alone and in my head.
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we can't remember therapy very well either. We remember some, but it appears that over 10 years of therapy are lost from us. Well, not all of it but most of it. Too much to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.
We can't remember whether or not we talked about certain memories before or we didn't.
We have panic & anxiety attacks as well. We take medication for that.
We got a new medicine for anxiety we weren't too happy to use a month ago, but it knocked off the anxiety with pretty much everything else with it.