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Originally Posted by divine1966 Well you are on dating sites to meet women, right, not just do things that make you comfortable. It's safer for a woman when matches are delivered. If I don't want to speak to that person they will never see my profile. On other sites men sometimes wouldn't leave me alone ever after a rejection. Also I was getting a lot of messages on other sites and there is no way I would even have time to reply. Eharmony felt safer to me. That's why I initially decided to try it. Some other women might think the same. But that's just a suggestion.

That makes complete sense. I do understand some of the struggles women have with dating (safety, angry replies, etc.), but keep in mind I'm not that guy: I've never said anything cruel or suggestive in a message; I'm reasonably well written, keep things personalized and topical; I don't follow up with anything angry if I get a rejection (which by the way, can be very cruel coming from the female side of the equation as well ), I just suck it up as I'm used to relentless rejection & move on; and when I've asked women out after a number of exchanges, it's always somewhere public & safe during normal hours, and give them the option of choosing what they're comfortable with. That said, I'll give eHarmony a chance next time they run a free trial. I'm sorry I haven't tried it. Their monetary commitments are a bit lofty.

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Thousands of women and none respond? Thousands?

Well, I haven't kept an exact tally (I never thought I would need to keep track of such a depressing record of failure)... but over the years, the numbers have got to be in the vicinity of that. Say 40 a month (sometimes it's been more, sometimes less I'm sure) x 12 months year x 6 years. That's 2,880 right there. It might not be that many, but I wouldn't say it's a crazy estimate.

And I'm not counting apps like Tinder or Bumble here where you can wrack off 100 - 200 matches a session (and yes I'm reading profiles before this goes there). My swipe-right percentage on those apps were probably in the 60% - 70% region.

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You keep saying whatever you are doing is wrong yet when people suggest something you always decline ( looks, sites, profiles etc )and kind of make it sound that you do things right and have a reason not to make any chances. Could it be you subconsciously sabotage yourself. You describe your modus operandi yet it's not working. You are saying you are open minded but your profile strikes me as very specific.

I don't see what's so specific about my profile. Like I said, disregard the outline at the bottom as I've not generally used it. It says what I do for a living, a few of my hobbies, a dynamic list of things I would enjoy with a partner which aren't super weird. Is saying I like comedy or art walks or cooking super alienating or something? What should I say I like to do?

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What if you just say you are a good person and looking for the same? All we really need is kindness, everything else could be worked out, it doesn't matter what music they like or what restaurant they eat.

I don't care at all what anyone's favorite food or music is. When did I say that? I mean, I'd like a significant other that could appreciate music in general (some people just don't think it has any value whatsoever and is a waste of time) as I'm a musician, but nowhere do I say that they need to like specifically like what I like. I've messaged (and dated) plenty of women who like alt rock, sushi, football, courtroom dramas, and other stuff that aren't necessarily not my go-to preferences, but I still can appreciate. IME, that stuff is often filler that doesn't define a good relationship. Actually, I've left those things off a lot of the time for that exact reasoning.

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When you finally get a date you can figure out details. Again a suggestion that you will probably decline

I've had a few dates. Not many... four in six years. One told me I was too short (at my stated 5'-10") when I tried to get a follow up date, one was verbally aggressive and downright mean to my friend who owned the bar we met at, one turned into 6-month relationship that didn't work out, and the last was just an awkward date as she was not very talkative and it seemed like every topic that came up, she didn't know anything about (just general culture stuff). None of that really clarifies why no one will reply to me. Three out of the four of the dates, they contacted me first. Not very useful data other than maybe I'm too short to be loved... but like beards, I see plenty 5'-10"-ish guys with girlfriends. It can't be that.

Also, I've had girlfriends before. I think there might be this idea that I'm on the way to being a 40-year old virgin perhaps. I probably dated ten or so different women in my twenties and into my thirties. A few were short-term relationships, a couple were long term (over five and six years). Why one woman likes me over the next, I couldn't tell you other than "they were attracted to me / I was their type".

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Sorry I don't seem to be able to help you. Good luck with everything. Maybe when you move and get a job things would change for you. Sometimes location makes a difference. I won't be posting on your thread.

That's okay. I don't expect you to have the answers. Maybe that's someone else. You should never feel pressured to have the answers. I'm just trying to make people here who are tying to help me understand that I have tried a lot of things, so I'm not trying to be a ___ about it. It's unfortunate that I've failed this long. It doesn't seem right to me.

I really don't mind that I don't have much success. Not everyone is going to like me, and that's okay . It only bothers me that I have no success whatsoever. That no one will give a chance to prove that I might be a worthwhile partner. That's what makes me feel ugly and worthless. It would be nice to catch a break every once in a while.