I think your dilemma is quite common, and one reason why some ppl who are capable of working, don't. In their minds it doesn't pay to try.

I don't know your age, but... and don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people in dire straits just by living... but to have a home is a luxury in a sense...with all it costs to keep it up and own it. Having a computer is also extra, plus internet etc. I'm not saying this to put you down, but to help you realize, you really do have it pretty good, compared to many very poor people.

(((hugs))) I hope things turn better for you, though. TC