Thanks Perna and Sunrise.

Sunrise I should definitely check out the book!

I wish I could stop feeling this way. I'm just feeling so stupid -- like they'll think I'm an idiot or something -- 'cause I know that guy had told me he could get more money for me, and then I didn't ask. I think I've just felt so worthless for so long that I was afraid of asking for anything. It had been just over a week since my interview and I was already feeling like that was so long that they might not want me.

How can I stop feeling this way today?! I can't even be excited about the job. I managed to go buy a new suit but even that was difficult.

Ugh ugh ugh. What is wrong with me? There are so many real problems in the world, and I obsess over things that don't matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

Why don't I have any self-esteem? I really don't feel like I'm very good at what I do, and I'm always worried that someone will notice and my gig will be up (or something). And yet everywhere I worked I've gotten good reviews.

And now my mind just obsesses over and over and over. The way I obsessed over being unemployed at first. The way I obsessed over my ex being with someone else. The way I obsess over any mistake -- I'll torment myself for years over something trivial. I probably need meds. Better yet: self-esteem.

Sidony