I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm in between therapists, so I'm trying to make it through probably this whole month without anyone. I was doing really well with hiding how bad my depression has gotten, then for a while I couldn't turn it off, and now my mask is slipping. Everyone else is starting to see just how screwed up I am, and I don't want them to. I'm so scared of how far I've fallen these days. I rarely SH anymore, but I think about it almost daily. I spend my weekends high on whatever drugs I can get, even ones I know I shouldn't be doing. But it will never work. I just don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could just give up.