Trigger mention Sui and SI




My friend has BPD and I care about her. We met a few years ago through a mutual friend. I don't have BPD, but I do have bipolar disorder, PTSD and other anxiety diagnoses. I am a sensitive person and can often feel when someone is in pain. My friend is in a lot of pain.

How can I support my friend while making sure I take care of myself? Sometimes my friend is unpredictable as to her moods and has what she calls meltdowns. She clearly is in pain during these times. I try to be supportive but she often shuts me out and others in her life. I figure she needs her space and that's fine. We all do, at times.

However, there have been times where she has verbally lashed out at me. She says I do not care about her at all (I do care a lot). She "dumps" me as a friend. This hurts me a lot and I can't think of what caused it and she never explains where I went wrong.

After a relatively short time, I will hear from her and she's happy and wants to spend time together. It's like a 180. She never mentions her ending our friendship and acts like everything is just peachy.

She often will become clingy and has called me threatening that she is going to kill herself. I don't live near her. I listen but plead with her to go to the Emergency Room.

She says doctors are quacks and refuses the hospital. I try to help her calm down on the phone. Sometimes she SI's but I'm unaware of her actually attempting suicide. I am concerned about her. Her family seems unsupportive and thinks she has temper tantrums.

This seems to be a cycle of our friendship and, frankly, it's taking a toll on my mental health. She can be super sweet but our friendship doesn't feel balanced. She knows about my MI and I don't unload my problems on her .... but isn't part of friendships supporting and listening to each other's personal concerns? My other friendships are more "reciprocal."

She's not a good listener and I don't think she cares that much. I think she has so much going on with her that there isn't room for a concern that isn't hers.
I wonder if she can empathize with things that are going on in my life. She seems caught in a spiral of drama and sometimes I feel used. I hate to use the term, but she can be an emotional vampire. Am I doing something wrong?

How can I help her? She sees a pdoc and a therapist. Is this friendship genuine or am I being used? I tend to put others first and the stress of being her friend is affecting my health. Should I try and place limits somehow? I don't want to end the friendship but this is taking a significant toll on my sanity. The stress is killing me. I've gently tried to broach some of the issues about our friendship but she immediately becomes defensive and lashes out again.

Any advice is really appreciated.