Hi elevatedsoul,
Just wanted you to know you're not alone. I read all your post and it made perfect sense to me. I understand how crazy it all feels. My brain broke long ago. I live with it fragmented, pieces floating to the surface unexpectedly, throwing me off balance. Some things i know, other things i "know". Knowing makes me ill, sick, weakling. Through therapy, i've tried to grow strength in the everyday so the illness is smaller. I still cant look at or hear the blackness. Im scared it will grow the illness again. Everyday stuff has to be strongest - thats the only way i'll survive. I hope Im making sense to you.
Take care, talk to your T. You can pm me anytime if you like, if you want to write your story to someone to get it out. You wont burden me.
Thinking of you,
kp