Hi, I'm practically new to this site.

I have a problem of telling what is real and what is not. My emotions are one of the things I can't tell if it is real. I could feel. However, ever time I feel I question myself. I ask if how I feel was really real or just made up because every day I'm faking things. Like my personality, my thoughts, my life, etc. And because I've faked it all my life to run away from my problems and to feel fine, it has taken over my mind. The long term of putting on a fake me during my childhood has made me forget, who I am or who I was. It made me forget what was real and what was not, like my emotions. The fake me has become a "me" that I never really wanted and now I'm stuck with it because I'm scared to change. To feel different because that would mean that other people will start to act differently towards me, and that makes me wonder even more. If they were really genuine to me or just pitying me because they feel sorry for me; that's what hurts even more than someone coming up to me and tell me how they actually feel about me. Every day, I have to question myself, "am I happy right now?" "Am I sad or just seeking attention" and other emotions as well. I do admit that I sometimes seek attention because I don't like to feel unwanted, but that also makes me question myself. I just don't know what is going on with me, with my head. I have soo many, I can't even list them or remember some of them, regrets in my life. And I wish if I ever had the chance I would like to redo everything( but I doubt it will do any good). I do have things I care for, like my pets, but the fake me makes me wonder. If I actually care for them, love them, then why? Why can't I make my time for them. This me is ruining my life; I sit near a screen all day or sleep when I can but I'm so disgusted by this me who doesn't care about things when I actually do, or I do care for things but nothing is happening; like a restriction, something is holding me back to do the things I loved to do as a kid. However, this fake me has also gotten the way of my reality. I don't even remember my past unless someone who was there reminds me of it. I feel I'm making up things in my head or making up emotions to feel. When I try to remember things, it's hard. I cannot tell if they were dreams, my imagination, or if it was ever real. I'm so sick and tired of this fake me and it's hard to change something that has become a part of me; part of the real me. I just don't know what to do. I cant even go to a youth clinic without having to chicken out or when I do go in there, I forget and have to think what is wrong with me because I always feel that there is a right answer and a wrong answer to things. I get so scared of getting it wrong. At the clinic or at my councillor's I worry that what I say doesn't really matter to them or to me, or that they won't help me because I'm not worth their time (and I know that some people are very severe and need help more than I do, but at the same time it feels like you're not important or unwanted; like extra work). I just need someone to help me that has not met the fake me, which is why I came here! Please help! Anything is fine.