So, all of a sudden I can talk. I have found my voice after a year with T.
I've been able to talk about my relationship with my husband. I've been able to talk about sex. I've been able to stay in the moment and not dissociate. We've joked back and forth, shared meaningful phone conversations and today I was able to call him on something without freaking out. I even told him I was pissed at him and was able to let it go a minute later.

Last week he wanted to know why I always immediately go to concretize things rather than feel them first. Today, he started grilling me on a fantasy I had saying, what would happen next? I asked him why he had to concretize it!! LOL

These sessions have been so productive. I think a lot has to do with the fact that I am seeing him twice a week and talking on the phone in between if needed. The frequent contact has allowed me to internalize him more. When I see him once a week, I feel like it's new all over again when I go in to see him. I can't hold on to him beyond 5 days, and even that is difficult and often rquires a phone call in between.

I know it sounds trite, but this relationship is so interesting. He's an awesome T and just right for me!



Then why does a part of me think this is the calm before the storm?