this week i'm mad at my t. i didn't tell him i was mad at him but i told him i was mad at my first t. because she didn't listen to me. she heard what i said through the lens of her stupid theory and insisted on beating me over the head with my supposed irrationality all the time. i mean... i know she was doing the best she could to help me within the constraints she had to operate under (pressure to justify seeing / helping me given extensive wait lists) but i was frustrated.

ended up being mute. she terminated me 'cause i couldn't say anything. i'd try but i couldn't. i'd give her writing and she would brush it off as insignificant.

i'm mad at my t. i tried to talk to him about two things that were important to me and he thought i was avoiding. so those two things have kinda collapsed in my life. he is leaving for a week next week. i forgot about that. i hate him. i'm not going back. of course i might feel differently in a week. but right now i hate him. %#@&#!.