My parents divorced when I was 14. Any time I was sad about it (like most kids would be) my mother would lose it. Now I know my parents had no real relationship (at least from what my mom told me which was to much) but I didn't know this I was a 14 year old kid. Anyways I soon realized I was not to have feeling at least not ones that differed from my moms. I am now no contact with my mother and I keep having these burst of things that should have angered me but I just went blank on to save myself trouble. I have been posting these on here to get them out of my head and be truthful. (Growing up I couldn't even keep a diary because of I had feelings that my mom didn't approve of even in a diary she would find it read it and call me out on it)

Ok here is the story. My stepfather. Now I understand that he never truly matured past the little kid who wanted to impress the older kids. He would tell stories about how they would put him in a sewer to get a lost baseball, he sprayed bug spray in his mouth anything so the big kids would like him. So I know he would rather tell you to be quiet than tell one of his friends they were wrong. Well my sister and I look like my mother and my sister hit puberty early. We went to his friends kids graduation party. We come in the mother of the kid hates us I'm not sure why but whatever. So we sit off to the side. Well that's when it starts. His friends fashion themselves to be bikers. So they are dressed that way, and one starts to inquire how old we are.... Then how can my stepfather stand the temptation... Then obviously he's with all of us. It was very uncomfortable. At the tile I was 15 or 16 so my sister was 12-13. And no one stood up for us. No one said hey watch your mouth, or that's not how family's work you creep. Or they are children you perves. This was just the start. My mother and him would discus sex often and when I would say gross (just how I expect my kids to say when my husband and I kiss when they are older) my stepfather would get offended like my not wanting to hear this made him less of a man. Then i was labeled immature or a prude. Then the porn started. He said people would send him stuff which is whatever but it was so much that it was crashing our computer (this was blamed on the fact I bought a cd at a concert) then my sister found the porn. She was upset because apparently it was all barley legal just turned 18 and I was around that age. My sister expressed her conserns and it was taken some what seriously. But the solution was for him to buy a laptop just for his porn. Look I get it everyone looks at porn but I thought that was a bit much. but then their is the flip side where we would be in public he would puff out and stair people down like he owned us. We went to a mid-evil fair and some guy was going around asking what the girls dowary was. When he got to us my stepdad freaked out. Like embarrassingly so. It was just weird.

I don't know I don't really talk to him now. I don't talk to my mother because she became to controlling and minapulitive. But I don't have a lot of fond memories of them. My mother changed a lot, but not like you would after a divorce. She went from fitting herself into my dads box of how she should be to fitting into my stepdads box. She never really got to know herself, I honestly don't even know who that is. It's sad.

Anyways thanks for letting me get that out of my head. This site has been a blessing. And I know I am very lucky that that is all that happened I have heard stories about what happens after a divorce.