Quote:
Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster
For me I have never wanted to change because of some external trigger. It is because I genuinely want to be a better person. The life I was living was utterly empty, devoid of everything that makes me human and I wound up really hating that after awhile. The way I wound up existing due to my choices was something I wound up being unable to tolerate, hence my change in attitude.
I don't have any delusions that the people I've harmed will ever think I've changed, I don't expect that out of them and never will.
I posted this mostly because I just needed to rant about how it seems like because I've openly acknowledged my past behavior, that I seem to be held up to a way higher standard than anyone else. That can really infuriate me at times, but I also know that it's a natural consequence of my choices.
I'm over it now, I just have to keep moving forward. Thank you for replying.
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It makes me happy to hear that, because it gives me hope that perhaps people can change for the better, regardless of their circumstances. And that's a comforting thought. I think you being able to arrive at that conclusion alone is huge; I imagine many don't.
At the same time I know that change for anyone - even those who aren't diagnosed with a disorder - is an extremely difficult and sometimes painful process. So I sympathize with your struggle. But I hope you will indeed keep moving forward, because the end result is most certainly worth it.