Asperger's now has the label of ASD......Autism Spectrum Disorder.....they have thrown ALL autism together under that label so high functioning & low functioning people with autism are given the term ASD.

My H was diagnosed with adult ADD.....but most of the time, ASD/Asperger's comes along with ADD

I'm glad you have such a good understanding of his behavior that is caused by the ASD/Asperger's. It helps to understand what you are dealing with. I left before I found out, so I never will know if knowing might have had a positive effect on the marriage.

I know being in my own home for the first time in all the 53 years of my life (9 years ago) it was the most awesome feeling figuring out who in the world I was not based on my reactions to someone. I think my H would have been more like yours but I never gave him the chance from the beginning of our marriage. I fought a LOT, but I think I broke him of some things. He hated so many foods (including pizza which was one of my staples). His mother told me that when he came home & saw that she had cooked something he didn't like, he would go storming out the front door & drive to McDonalds & buy a hamburger with NOTHING on it except the meat. I let him know if he EVER pulled that on me even once, the door was going to be hitting him in the rear on his way out & the locks would be changed so he would NEVER get back in. It was like dealing with a child my whole married life & it was totally exhausting after 33 years. My depression was gone as soon as I left him also & my anorexia got under control because my life was finally under control for the first time.

I can understand the struggle you are going through. Getting that chance to know who you are without it being defined by how you respond to someone is so important & oh yes, being the bad guy.....that was me for leaving. Luckily the only people alive to have an opinion about it were his parents & I really didn't care what they thought about me by that point. My daughter is good with it because she grew up around all the fighting & she had already moved far away. We are closer now than we ever were before so the change has been very good for that also.

I'm glad you have such a wonderful T who is helping you sort through all the emotions & finding what the happy things are for you when you are away......just being able to be YOU is a huge thing. I remember my first grocery trip where I bought only foods that I liked & all the foods that my H had hated. It was such a liberating feel.

Your T is helping you to KNOW YOURSELF & that is very important at this point & you are able to analyze what those things that have made your life good again. I hope that changes can be made to make your marriage work.....with Asperger's it's never easy as you already know.

I'm sure you will make wise decisions in going back & test the waters to make sure it is truly safe to go back to.

Rainyday......the thing is that they don't even recognize that this is what they are doing. My H started with the sarcasm after we got married & putting me down with it in front of friends. It made me angry so I started throwing it back right at him because I wasn't going tolerate being treated that way. He thought it was humor & he would laugh at himself thinking absolutely nothing about how mean he was really being. It took a few months but I didn't like what it was turning me into so I told him to either stop or GET OUT. He had no idea that there was anything wrong with what he was doing. It wasn't done out of intentional meanness or being abusive & their communication skills are so lacking & they have no emotional connection so they don't sense or even read from the other person how it's affecting them.

I respect you so much Big Mama for having such a positive approach to wanting your marriage to work & having such a good understanding & patience......while doing that, also knowing that you do have your limits for what is healthy for your own self & understanding that YOU aren't the BAD GUY if in fact you do need to not go back in the long run. I was a fighter & even fought my own parents (realizing now that my own Dad has Asperger's) & I wasn't easy going when I felt like I was being wronged so my H didn't get an easy ride all those years...but hey, that was fair, if he was going to make my life difficult then he was entitled to have his life made difficult also. Sadly I grew to hate him because there was never any LOVE to start the marriage with & I realized I had issues with him before we ever got married. If only I had known why I felt those issues I would have followed through with cancelling the wedding like I had wanted to.