I also crave a lot of attention, in the form of constant reassurance that I'm loved (abandonment issues from my childhood). Usually this settles down when I've been in the relationship a while (I've had several serious relationships), although I can be overly sensitive still.
My current partner of 3 years is very patient and over the years has modified his behaviour so as not to set off my triggers. This makes me feel bad, but it's a positive reinforcing cycle...the more he does it, the less needy I am, the less he has to do it.
As for your situation, I agree with some other suggestions about couple therapy, also doing a great deal of work on yourself to overcome this.
You both have your separate issues...if he isn't willing to work on his, that doesn't stop you working on yours.
I have tried not responding to things my partner has said/done immediately, and taking some time to think it through. When I'm calm, I'll ask him, "When you said blah..did you mean....?" or "you're quiet...everything ok?" It's usually nothing to do with me.
This has taken me a long time, and a good therapist, to learn.
Hugs