When I was younger, I was placed into "gifted" programs for children, and it was this "giftedness" that all of the adults around me used to explain my emotional intensity/sensitivity. Much later I learned about the "Highly Sensitive Person" phenomenon, and thought, "ah! finally, I have found my people!" And I still do definitely find all of the research about it coming out now to be really helpful. More recently I was given some personality tests and found out what my Enneagram and Meyers-Briggs types are (Type 4, INFP). These also very much so resonated with me, and I thought, "oh good, more explanation for the way I am." All of these things center around being sensitive, creative, insightful, often introverted, etc. A bit of an outsider/idealist/"tortured soul" even. I have always had really strong, overwhelming emotions that I have a hard time controlling. Of course joy and excitement and love are usually pretty well-received, even when they're intense. But I struggle with intense insecurity, sometimes despair... sometimes it's a sort of existential apathy even. I cry ridiculously easily. I've gotten to the point where I'm quite cut off from the real world, and have kind of created a safe space for myself, where I have a reasonable amount of control over my environment. I want to feel more normal, and lead a more "normal" life. I don't have any social life. Partly I just have a difficult time relating to others (I can fake it alarmingly well, but I don't enjoy it, and so I don't have much motivation for getting out there). I want to have friends, but it just feels like it takes too much effort and time and having to be "on" to maintain friendships, so any time I make a new friend, I eventually withdraw back into my own world after a while and stop keeping up with people. And the emotional intensity and sensitivity definitely plays into this as well. There are so many layers to this, and I don't know how to succinctly portray what I'm talking about I knew this was going to be a long, confusing post, because this whole thing is a long, confusing knot in my head, that I need help untangling. Do I have a mental health issue? Do I have depression? Anxiety? A Personality Disorder? Am I just a highly sensitive person with poor coping skills? Am I asking for too much? I have a really strong urge to understand and make sense of myself. I feel all too aware that identity is fluid and dynamic and I get to feeling really lost sometimes. I'm wasting my life just existing, and trying to make myself comfortable. Does any of this make sense to anyone? Maybe I could get some recommendations for ways to get on a path of working this all out, and getting to a more stable, "normal" place? I've tried therapy and had disappointing results. I've gotten to the point where I'm considering an anti-depressant at least, to see if it helps get me back on track... but I was on one a long time ago, and I suppose it helped, but it completely flattened all of my emotions, and actually, I like having the intensity most of the time and am not sure I want to suffocate it completely again. I just don't know how to manage it out in the real world. Anyway, if you've gotten this far, please help! And thanks