I'm not sure whether I'm up or down.
I'm craving rushes.
Adrenaline up. Inhibitions down.
Caffeine. Alcohol. Weed. Sex. Running. Pills. Porn. Yelling. Fighting. ****ing. Ranting. Masturbating. Starving. Bones. Skin. Hot hot water.
Sensations.
Overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time.
Who can I talk to? What would I say? I can't say anything at all. I can't sit still.
Put your hands on me. On my throat. The sun is shining. Please don't
Leave me. Let me be. Let me climb.
Let me sleep. Please don't.
Fear is fading fast. Replaced by...I don't even know.
I'm depressed but shaky,and I feel like I'm coming alive. Im barreling towards anything that seems like it would be too much to handle.

Sit still, good girl. Mouth shut. Hands hot, smashed under fleshy thighs. Breathe But not so hard.
It's getting hard to know what's happening.

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