so I saw my therapist yesterday and I was pretty hyper from not sleeping well/much the past few days and drinking coffee and I was talking sort of fast and jumping from topic to topic and I could tell he thought "oh, she is hypo" and for some reason this was exciting to me and made me even more hyper so rather than try to keep a lid on it I just let myself get off on and indulge in the experience which felt a little like performing (except surprise! no stage-fright whatsoever) which excited me even more - kind of like a little kid getting excited by acting silly then getting attention for it. Now I'm kind of embarrassed by the whole thing and am dreading the push for lamictal that I know is coming tomorrow at my psychiatry app.

I guess I'm just curious: do you ever get off an 'acting out', get high off letting yourself lose control a little bit?