I've always wondered how to know whether or not a time is appropriate to turn down someone's request to do something for you. I know it may sound weird, but there are times where I actually don't like it when people offer to do some things for me, mainly because I feel like they will secretly regret it later or resent having to do so. Like, they will offer to pay for something or do something else, but then later on, wish they hadn't done so or secretly wish I had declined.

The reason for this was due to past experiences. For a SGA organization outing years ago, I was invited along to hang out for some ice cream. I actually declined at first since I didn't have a car, and still don't. But they really insisted on taking me anyway. I went along for the ride, but once the school year ended, I was told that it was all done out of politeness and I never should have gone, which made me feel guilty since I didn't listen to my gut and also wish they had been more honest in the beginning.

Another time, in a similar scenario, for a LIFE Fellowship outing just a few years back, a group of us were going to nearby Burger King to get some food while having a small meeting to discuss the upcoming semester. The sponsor for the Fellowship meeting offered to pay for just drinks for everyone, but we were allowed to get whatever food we wanted as long as we paid for ourselves. I decided to get a burger and a small bottle of coke. The total would have been close to five dollars, but she would have only paid for like a dollar for the coke. Not bad in my opinion.

When she saw I was going to buy that, she flipped. She asked if I was really going to buy those things. I said yes and didn't think she would care since I was obviously going to pay for the burger. For some reason, she got mad, took my wallet away from me out of frustration or something, and said she would pay for the whole thing. The whole thing came to around 5 dollars or so.

I wasn't going to make her pay for the burger, I was just about to pay for it myself. So I don't know what went wrong there. She wound up paying for it and that was it. I felt guilty afterwards and felt like maybe I shouldn't have ordered at all. From that point on, anytime there was an outing and I went along, I would actually secretly eat some food in the cafeteria before even meeting up to head out.

I felt that maybe I wasn't supposed to order food with them after all or maybe I misheard or misunderstood something. A couple times, I didn't even go along because I was afraid of that happening again. I felt bad but at the same time, wondered if she was secretly wishing she didn't have to do it. I felt guilty since I felt she was doing it out of obligation.

I now wonder how to decide when it is okay to politely decline someone to do something polite. I find myself doing it more often now since I always worry people are secretly hoping I will decline. Is there something wrong maybe I am doing or do people tend to regret their politeness more often that I thought? Just confused and not sure if declining people's offers more often than I used to is the right thing to do or not.

I was just getting ready to hand over my card to pay for my order whenever she did that so that is why I sometimes wonder if she felt obligated to pay for everyone's drinks and she just snapped and took it out on me. Same with other people, I sometimes wonder when people offer to do nice things, if it is more appropriate to decline more often than I thought. I am like this towards everyone now, unless someone just keeps on insisting without giving up, I will politely decline someone's offer.