hey mouse. sometimes... the feelings are able to be worked through. and sometimes... the feelings are too much to be worked through. retraumatic. too much to be worked through. when i feel too paranoid to leave the house (people are laughing / condemning / disgusted) when their faces start dripping / melting black... then its time to take some valium - only i can't find the damned things.

i have about 5 smallish (but annoyingish) jobs i have to do. jobs that will take about half a day each. that... and 1/4 of a seminar to write and about 5 hours of practice required to give it on wednesday next week (along with it gaining approval of a supervisor). time pressure... one of them involves attempting to sort out my alledgedly being $700 behind on my rent where i have a receipt (that i didn't check at the time) given for MY payment with someone elses name and room number on it that has been credited to his account. i paid cash so the only potential verification is going to be a bank statement which is going to involve my taking some time at the bank... and then with the rooms manager... etc.. crap like that. sorting out a JP to sign these speeding fines even though i don't %#@&#! drive a car and my going down as the person to contact even though i don't even have a %#@&#! drivers lisense and when the person lives in a different country and probably isn't even going to %#@&#! pay. just annoying stressors that are adding up.. and still... period cramps (severe) three days in. not doing so good...

give me a week or so...