Hello wintereyes: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. The Skeezyks is an older person. But I've struggled, for many years, with the same things you wrote about in your post. My answer to this has become to simply keep to myself. I am married. However, beyond that, I am entirely reclusive. I avoid going anywhere as much as possible. And I have no extended family and no friends or even acquaintances, by choice. But this is my choice... & I'm comfortable with it...

I can't tell you if you could be considered to have a mental illness or not. Diagnosis is a job for mental health professionals, which I am not. The fact is that many highly creative & even successful people throughout history were more-or-less solitary. So the fact that a person keeps to themselves does not, to my mind, suggest they necessarily have a mental illness. So the issue here, from my perspective, becomes more one of your not being content with how you're living your life.

You wrote you tried therapy & had disappointing results. How many therapists have you tried? (Rhetorical question.) Realistically it can take some time to find the right one for you. And the dilemma you find yourself in is one of the types things people seek therapy for. On the other hand, therapy isn't for everyone, I know. I've seen a few therapists, for brief periods over the years, & none of them amounted to anything. Maybe it's just me. But it seems to me, if therapy simply is not for you, then the alternative is to simply get out there & start to make something happen for yourself.

I don't know if you have a job or are in school. If not, or possibly in addition to this, perhaps consider becoming involved with some volunteer work in some field that would be of interest. The only way things will change is if you make it happen. Yes, you can certainly give antidepressants another try. They may be helpful. (I've been on them in the past.) But, in order to make a change in the way you are living, you're still going to have to figure out some way to break out of your cocoon. Personally, if it were me, I'd try getting back out there first. And then if I found I simply couldn't do it, then I'd give antidepressants another try. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.