THIS. IS. ME. OH GOOD HEAVENS. WE ARE EMOTIONAL/MENTAL CLONES. I can relate to almost every word and struggle you wrote.

Can you explain a little more about the trying to be like other people?
For me, I feel so empty inside because I don't think I have a good personality at all. With social anxiety, perfectionism, and depression or not, I feel like there was no one clever or smart or funny or creative or interesting to begin with. And I didn't know how I made any friends with this boring personality. I've lost them and I can't make new ones cause I'm a horrible person. I envied all of my friends' qualities that I admired and I would copy them or try to compete with them. Who could be the funniest or smartest or most witty or most playful and stuff? It was so horrible. I felt like I added nothing as a friend in my relationships. Like I could be replaced any day and that I didn't deserve the friends I had. I really do think that I bring the boring and worst out of other people. I'm just such a drag and so irrelevant and unoriginal. I hate it. And all of my opinions are stupid and boring.

The wildest thing about this copycat act I take on is that whenever I think, I can hear the original person's voice or I imagine what they would be doing in a certain situation. Like if i wanted to be weird, i would imagine someone from memory who embodied that quality. I could never just be weird because it was part of my personality...it always had to be because I want to copy a certain person. Same goes for funny or any other good quality. I don't know how to better explain it. So the voice in my head changes a lot and maybe it does for other normal people but it's annoying to me and it feels so fake like im always trying to hard to impress people. I can't express my troubles any better than that right now. Sorry if this response is stupid or whatever. ☺😕

And there are more ways I relate to your post but I'll mention those later maybe.

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