Not at all. I'm a perfectionist-ish too. If I cant do it right or knowing I won't do it well like the others I do a half-assed job of it so I can tell myself that if I try harder I will be better at it. But it just makes me feel even worse because everyone is better than I am. I give up when there's someone better than me and I use excuses, like I was tired, and just not do it anymore. I am actually really tired. of all this. And yea, every time I'm happy I have to ask myself if i really was or even when I'm sad I have to second guess everything, which is why I have horrible common sense and logic. I always think too much or too little and it wrecks me. Doesn't help either when you're surrounded by successful people, and even though they have problems with their life, you can't help but think that what could be worse than yours. Well, I know that there are lots of unfortunate people out there, but you just wonder that they are able to get on with life and work hard. But me, I'm just so worthless. I just sigh every day. Why can't I just be honest and do my best; stop running away; get help; to feel alive again. Sometimes I just want to end my life so badly or it just hurts so much to a point I can't deal with it any longer. Life is harsh because I made it that way. And changing is hard when I give up so early because I can't do anything right or the way I pictured it to. That every little thing I do is judged by someone that makes me feel like a failure. Everyone is biased in there own ways. It's even worse when teachers have their favorites and like to pick out the "bad" students, or even worse, to be never noticed or not worth being remembered by even when your friends are easily recognized. I just fail at ever thing I do and I just dont like failing or knowing I would fail. But sometimes I have to hand in work and do it last minute because I know that no matter how hard I tried I can't write as well as that person in the class. So every day seems like a game to me, one where I always lose and is trying the find the cheat code to win the game. Life isn't easy, I know, but why did I have to make it so hard?