you have been through a lot

First - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT - bodies react as they were made to before they are taught otherwise by shame or fear - the person who did that to you is lower than dirt

I am glad you are not doing drugs any more - I hope you can manage to stay away from them

It does sound like you need psychological help - help to heal and get past what happened - take away the power from it
This is still affecting you - you need help (in my opinion) to explain and heal

It sounds like you have a great guy and Im happy for you - your body is the space you inhabit while you are here - I hated mine for a very long time - childhood stuff/abuse - its where we live - I didn't want people to see I was female because females got used - so I dressed very plainly - nothing that showed my curves - its a way of being invisible

I really hope you seek help

Please take good care of you