Hi Rainy.

BPD in a loved one is a tough row to hoe -- for everyone.

I had one T yrs ago who sat me down and told me that if I did not "excise" (her word) my BPD friend from my life, she would cease to see me. That hurt -- this woman was a friend as well as my T -- but when I went home & discussed it with H, he said, "Well, FINALLY!" hummmmmm...

Maybe you'd consider doing what he had me do: Sit down, make a list of the Pro & Con of your interactions with your BPD friend. It's a very fluid situation, often: if you find it's consistently harming your own health, then stepping back from this person is an option for your own improved health.

Will your friend understand?
Not too likely. Boundaries, as Tripp said, are a tough concept for many people (and not just BPD sufferers). Timing is never right for one thing, lol -- so be prepared for a massive guilt-trip bc it sounds like your friend is inclined that way.

Needing a calmer and more manageable life is not something anyone should be ashamed of: you can never fulfill all of someone else's needs, and if she thinks you should expend all of your energy trying to do so, that's neither helpful or realistic - for either of you.

IMO of course.

Sympathy and great good luck to you. These decisions are always difficult.

Chyia (hug)